The start of something new

This is my first blog entry and it is so refreshing to have a place to empty myself. In a world so filled with noise and chaos, the quiet tapping of my fingers running across the keyboard is so refreshing. I started this blog as a place to re-examine everything. I want this to be the most honest place I come to. Nay sayers, negativity, and cruelty are banned from this blog. Only honesty, compassion, and understanding are allowed. For the last twenty years of my life I have been told what to do, where to go, how to act, what to say, and who to be. I have been defined by what I do, who I'm with, or who I answer to but I have never been defined by who I really am. I turn 21 in a month and this blog is going to be my map for the next year of my life. I am sick of stumbling around life, now, I have a map. In allowing myself to be brutally honest and yet safe in the cyber safe house, I want to define who I am, what I love, what I hate, and anything else I can think of. I want to be inspired, I want to feel and smell and touch life in a way that I havent yet. I am embarking on a journey of self. I am throwing my inhibitions and fears to the wind in the hopes that I will find a shred of honesty in myself that re-kindles my love for life. I miss that. I use to love life and my lust for the pursuit of all that was pleasurable and real filled me with a feeling of elation that I have not felt since I was 18. Today I take it back. I have a wonderful man in my life (he will be discussed in later entries) who supports and loves me without fail. And I, him. However, I want to start to love myself with the same passion. I want to love my life, seperate from him, with the same unabashed recklessness. I dont want to base my happiness on a person ANY LONGER. This will be a rocky journey but I'm ready.